So, I've taken time out today to simply talk to you and let you know what in the world this fluffy little blog is about.
Looking at my Internet Explorer window, I realize how many of us there really are, just on this amazing network, sharing our lives with each other. I decided I wanted in on the action and here we are! Now, going back to the "how many of us there really are" part, I also realized that alot of what we go through, the good and the bad, esp. the bad, we often feel as if we are going through it alone. Now, I must say that after reading and just looking around my entire life...
I'm both as unique and NOT as unique as I think I am. And the same goes for You!
Before a cyber mob comes after me, let me explain...while we are all ever so unique, so beautiful and irreplacable (eat ur words Beyonce, sweetie!) we don't have to feel like our troubles have only ever befallen us and only us.
No matter what has happened or who you are, you can always find comfort and advice from countless others who have gone through what you have. It can be something simply similar or eerily exactly the same--you would be so suprised.
I want everyone to remember that they are never quite alone.
Even when you're hanging by a thread, there is hope and love for you. Just look around.
My blog serves as a reminder, especially to me. You see, I have struggled with depression all my life. I have never had anything "really wrong" with me. I was just...sad. And the worst part is I have never, ever, opened up to anyone about it. So I grew up as my depression came and went. I remember a suicide of a sister and bullying in a new middle school left me broken and weeping every night, I remember changing myself, hiding myself, losing myself so that I might be spared, I remember slicing my arms looking for refuge and then hiding those scars with shame. I remember plotting out an escape, thinking it was all over.
But most of all I remember being hopeless and alone.
Well, somehow, come highschool, I evolved a little and I was discovering myself again (funny how we always have to lose ourselves to find ourselves). Two years ago, I was over the moon and nothing, absolutely nothing, could bring me down. I was that annoying buzzing bee in everyone's ear, obscenely happy about everything.
Then came a summer vacation that completely shook my world. My last summer was a downward spiral on the other side of the world as I went through unspeakble horrors. Unspeakable because I was silent once again through my pain. When I returned in the fall, juniour year was hardly bearable. Nightmares, stress and my old foe, depression, came back to haunt and traumatize me.
The worst part of this fall was it happened again and I let it. The climb back was as difficult as ever and even though I realized my resistance to happiness, recognized the pitfalls of doom from years ago, I was paralyzed in trying to help myself and once again I wanted out, out of my life.
*sigh* It is summer again and slowly I have been withdrawing from that self-distructive blackhole and
returning to myself. Somehow, through baby steps, I have begun my recovery and this is what I want to share with you: my hope and determination.
There IS a better future and brighter life out there for me. And for You.
If there is one thing I have learned in my pain it is this:
SILENCE IS STUPID.
So, this is why I, a shy girl, am here to finally open up and help myself while helping others. Please join me on this startling but beautiful journey (that word XD), I promise many more laughs than tears.
P.S. May I aqquaint you with my unfaltering need to add post script (P.S.s) to each and every post!!
P.p.s. Yes, this post was on the dreary side but just look around my blog. This is going to be a blog of happiness and optimism, I promise.
Keep you eyes WIDE OPEN people!
Keep you eyes WIDE OPEN people!